They suck the life right out of you.

Yesterday I prayed for God to help us have peace about who we answer the call for and to help Davin and I decide if we are going to take teenagers. I didn't pray for a sign, just for clarity. Today when I took Alea to vision therapy her vision specialist came out to great us like always and sighed a big sigh of relief and said how grateful he was to get to work with someone over 5 years old finally. He said he had been screening 5 year old children all day at pre-k and he said he couldn't believe how they sucked the life right out of him. He said, "it's like the sucked the life right out of my soul." I laughed out loud. He doesn't know about our foster care journey so I told him we are about to become foster parents and how my husband only wants to take kids 5 and under and how I want to take teenagers. He said he would definitely go for teenagers. He said he thought 5 year old kids were potty trained but that several of them peed right in front of him. I couldn't stop laughing at his version of 5 year old kids but it is pretty much how I feel too.

I don't know if this was God giving me clarity or not but it was pretty funny either way.

To take teenagers or to not take teenagers...that is the question.

From an early age when I thought of foster care I always saw myself taking in teenagers. This has never really changed for me. Recently Davin talked me into the idea that daycare would be easier than school but I was still very leery. I never really grieved Alea getting older when she was under 5 years old. Each new day and each new thing she could do was such a relief to me. The early years were not my favorite part of being a parent. 

Yesterday during the panel we heard from five different families who had all experienced fostering all ages of children. We heard from some families who started out like us, only taking children younger than their bio children. They ALL spoke so highly of taking teenagers and how they were all so happy that they took teenagers because really they were easier than the younger kids. Many of the parents talked about how the younger kids seemed to cause more tension with their bio kids. One family said it like this, that children are like them so they take some of their attention away but teenagers seem more like adults to them so the attention they get doesn't seem to come out of the bio kids attention. Alea told me the other day that she is tired of being the role model (to her younger cousins I think) and that she just wanted to be the younger sister and have someone else be the role model. Wow! We haven't even really discussed the teenager vs. kid issue in front of her. 

Davin was adamant before the panel that we would not take teenagers and after the panel he could at least see some of the benefits. He is still scared of having a teenage girl in our home and I totally get that. One family said that when they get a call they just see if they have "a peace" about it and go from there. I think that will be what Davin and I will do too. 

Yesterday Davin said he could see us taking a teenager with a baby because we have done that before (and it seems to be a pretty common theme in foster care). 

God knows His plans for us so all of our planning and worrying are for nothing. He has us in His care.

I only cried 3 days...out of 4.

Yesterday we finished our PRIDE training to become foster parents. It was emotional for me a lot of the time. I am such a crier and I get so frustrated sometimes that I am. The first day (two weeks ago) I cried pretty much the entire day. On day two I didn't cry at all (even though I wore my glasses in anticipation that I would). On Saturday I didn't cry until we were talking about PTSD and the Iraqi vet in the room started talking about his PTSD and how it is triggered 5 years later by smells. I have so much respect for people who serve in our military and I hate to see the hurt they suffer(ed) because of me (fighting for my freedom). I was able to only cry that time for a couple of minutes but it hurt my record of having a cry free day. Yesterday we started the day with DCFS going through the forms we will have to fill out (almost daily in some cases). That was pretty boring. Then there was a panel of current and former foster parents that spoke and let us ask questions. Some of their stories were very funny but some really hit my soft spot. Then Ann, the leader of The CALL, shared her story and even though I knew or had guessed most of it it really hit me hard. I cried (but at least I wasn't the only one:).

I had filled out all of my paperwork to be a PRIDE trainer but decided not to hand it in until after I had experienced some of the class myself. After the first day I came home and threw all my paperwork in the trash. Our leader had such a wonderful way of bring the Lord into the conversation and I think they way she did it was wonderful and not a gift that I have. After class yesterday two of the women (who had just met at the class) approached Ann about being PRIDE trainers. Wow! Ann asked me about being a trainer. I told her I had the forms filled out...and that I threw them away and why. She said criers were the best teachers...great, thanks Ann! Anyway, she said she was going to add me to the trainer list anyway and that we would talk about it more later.

Open Our Eyes Photography

We had photos taken earlier this month with Desiree from Open Our Eyes Photography. She has great prices on her mini sessions for foster and/or adoptive families. These are my two favorite pictures from our mini shoot.

Look what I did

We haven't had a dresser in the guest bedroom since we moved to Arkansas and I wanted to get one for the fosters. I bought a dresser from IKEA when we went to Pat's graduation in Texas in May. I put it together (and took it apart a couple of times to fix my mistakes) and painted it with the help of my sister last month. This week Davin put the nobs on it for me. It is finally ready for the foster room. It is a lighter shade of yellow on each drawer and the rest of the dresser is grey. I am doing the foster room in yellow and grey. My mom has made me a grey and yellow chevron crochet blanket and quilt. I had her redo some pillows for me in yellow and grey chevron as well. I didn't do chevron on the dresser because my sister said it would have been too much and I agreed with her.

and the award goes to...

Today I was awarded the Honor Pin for Girl Scout leadership for the Diamond Council of Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas. This award is given for "exemplary service in support of delivering the Girl Scout Leadership Experience which has had measurable impact on two or more geographic areas of service, allowing the council to reach and surpass its mission delivery goals." 

Pretty cool!

Kings and Queens

I have been listening to the song Kings and Queens by Audio Adrenaline since we started this foster care journey and have been very touched by it. Today I was listening to it and showed Alea the video to it on youtube. She loved the video and wanted to show it to Davin when he got home. I pulled it up and showed it to him and he teared up as he watched it. Davin doesn't tear up easily so I knew he was touched by the song. Before he started listening to it Alea told him the song was "pretty much all about what we are getting ready to do". I wasn't sure if she understood the song but after she said that it was clear that she did understand the message.

Here is the youtube link for the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAlE2EnUP5A

"Kings & Queens"

Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won’t let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

[Chorus:]
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

[Chorus]

If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these

Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these