Christmas Eve and Christmas Day

Every Christmas Eve we go to Davin's parents house and open gifts. The kids always get so much stuff. Alea got a new bike, helmet, clothes, and stuff for her American Girl dolls. E got a toy from Davin's sister's family and a stuffed animal and clothes from his parents. He isn't old enough to care about the paper or understand it all yet but he did like playing with the new toys.

The kids opened presents in age order so E got to open his present first each time. My nephew looked at me and said, 'this is the first time that my family hasn't had the youngest kid. Now your family has the youngest kid.' I said, 'I bet you didn't see that one coming, did you?' He looked at me and at the baby and said, 'NOPE!' I had to giggle at his reaction.

Santa spoiled Alea and E Christmas morning too. Alea got a sewing machine, clothes and some other fun crafty items. E got toys, stuffed animals, and clothes. 

After we opened gifts, E fell back to sleep. He slept pretty much all day. H has been having tummy issues today and pretty much just wants to sleep. I got to hold him and snuggle him a lot today. That was nice.

I made homemade spaghetti sauce a couple of days ago so today had homemade spaghetti, green beans, garlic bread, and salad. Yummy.

We had a couple of nice days. We have eaten pretty much none stop and just sat around like bumps on a pickle the rest of the time.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Train Ride

Last Saturday we went on a train ride on the Arkansas-Missouri railroad. The trip just went from Springdale to Fayetteville. We got to see Santa and Mrs. Clause. The ride was hosted by CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates) so all of the people on the train were either foster children or foster families. It was a nice train ride. It was sad to see the group of about 9 year old boys and another group of teenage boys sitting together because they were obviously from a group home and didn't have a family to be there with. They all had fun but through my eyes it was sad. I have some cute photos from the train ride but I can't upload them on my iPad so I'll have to add them later.

What a difference a year makes

On our first snow day last week I was holding the baby and looking out at the snow with him. I was talking to him about his first snow and then we just enjoyed the view out the front window in silence. I looked at him and thought about how things have changed in one year. If someone had told me last December that this year I would have a baby or be a family of four I would have told them they were crazy. Now here I am snuggling to a baby (and typing with one finger) and am totally in love with this little guy. It made me think about how we got to this point and that took me to God. Even though foster care was in our long term plans I never saw it happening right now. God did. It is so amazing to be called and to see what your path looks like when you follow God's calling for your life. There is no way anyone who knows how I felt about having another child would question whether or not we were called to this journey.

And 5 makes 7

I just got the call that my district is out tomorrow. That makes 5 snow days and 7 days home with this storm. I haven't heard from Alea's district yet.

Day 6

We are on our sixth day at home. The roads are still terrible. They cancelled school today too. This is our fourth snow day (with a weekend in the middle). It is suppose to get to 36 degrees today so I think the thought is that some of this ice might melt and we will be back at it tomorrow. There has not been a single plow out on any road other than the main two or three in town. Last year was very rough without a single snow day so I am grateful for these days. It does seem strange that we still have a few weeks until Christmas though.

Milestones

Our little guy is rolling from his back to his belly and his belly to his back.
He tried rice cereal on Thanksgiving for the first time and loved it. I think he had had cereal or baby food before he came to us.
He loves the cereal so much and seemed to always want more that we started baby food on Saturday (we are snowed I so I figured we might as well try it out now while I had time). So far he has had squash. He makes funny faces but leans forward to get each bite if we don't move quickly enough for him.
E is pretty much ticklish everywhere. He smiles a lot and even belly laughs for us. He always smiles at Alea. He thinks she is pretty great.
He is able to bring toys to his mouth and chew on them now. Before be would just wave the toy around with his mouth open and hope that the toy would find his mouth. He is much happier now that he has that motor control.
He loves Mickey Mouse Club House...especially the Hot Dog song.

Blue Bear

At the first visit our little guy had with his mom after coming into care she sent him back to us with an adorable teal colored bear. E obviously loves this bear. We figured he either loved it so much because it came from her or because he had had it before he came into care. (When I visited with mom last week I asked her about the bear and she said it was his and that he had always had it.) We took it with us to our photo session that we had a week or two after E came to stay with us. We knew we would give mom some of the photos and thought that she would like to see her baby with the bear she gave him. The bear sits in the corner of his bed and we have only played with it a handful of times. It is a spot in his bed where he never really sees it since he just takes up such s small portion of the bed and doesn't roll around in bed. Last night however he was trying to put himself back to sleep after having only been asleep for a few minutes. Needless to say he wasn't happy about going back to sleep without help. I was watching him in the video monitor as he pitched a fit. He managed to scoot himself to the top of the bed. He was has rolling his head from side to side and throwing his arms around. All of a sudden it got quiet in the monitor so I looked at it again and he had his head turned hard to the side and was touching Blue Bear. He continued to contently rub Blue Bear's fur for about 20 minutes until he fell back to sleep. He was so peaceful and calm. I could tell he was really thinking while he rubbed the bear. It about broke my heart to see him rub that bear with a thoughtful look on his face.

A five day staycation

On Thursday school was cancelled due to freezing rain and snow. It rained first and then started snowing in the afternoon. I snowed most of the day on Friday. I don't think they have plowed much at all. They have cancelled school for tomorrow too since the roads are so awful. Since Alea is sick it is not all bad that we have another day off.

Sick

After Thanksgiving I got sick on Monday with a 24 hour bug. It was the sickest I had been in years. Davin got it too in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. Alea took a few days to get it but started with it last night. I think I had it the worst. Several people at Danica's for Thanksgiving ended up getting sick. I don't know what it is other than a 24 hour bug/flu.

I had bought my friend Becky tickets to a Christian Christmas concert.  We were suppose to go Monday night but had to skip it since I was so sick.

I am praying the baby doesn't get it too.

Family Photos

We decided to do family photos shortly after our little guy joined us. Alea is looking so mature.

 I love this photo of our legs/feet.

Family of Four!

He is here! We got our first foster placement on Tuesday, October 15th. This Tuesday our little guy will have been with us for 4 weeks.

Let me start at the beginning. Last I left you we were open and I was carrying my phone everywhere waiting for it to ring. Waiting for DHS to call was almost physically painful. Once we got to the point where we were open all three of us just wanted to know when we were going to get that placement and what he/she would be like and how old he/she would be.

On Tuesday, October 15th we were in Fayetteville watching Alea play volleyball. I happened to be playing on Facebook (bad mommy) and saw that the private Facebook page for The CALL that we were added to when we opened had a message asking if someone would be interested it taking a four month old ICWA baby boy. (ICWA stands for Indian Child Welfare Act...this act was created to keep Native American children with Native American families. In the past white people were known for taking Native American children away from their families and sending them to boarding schools or adopting them out to white families in order to save them from their "savage" people.) I turned to Davin and asked if he wanted a four month old boy. We were open for girls age 6 weeks to 7 years. We were open for girls only because Alea gets annoyed by little boy (cousins mostly) touching her stuff (i.e., treasures). As time had gone on we had become more and more open to the idea of a baby. Davin was open to the idea of a baby so I left volleyball and called the case worker who had the baby. She was able to tell me much of his story about why he was going in to care. We knew that working with ICWA would bring an additional challenge but since our goal was not adoption but just to help we were open to working with ICWA and learning more about the law and the tribe. We pulled Alea out of the game and headed home to meet the worker. We got the pack and play out of the garage and set it up in our room. We did not have a single baby item. The only toy we had was a small stuffed cow from Chick Fil A. :) When the worker showed up we knew as much about the baby as we would know for the first week...except his name. When the worker showed up I asked his name and believe it or not his name is the same name we were going to name Alea if she was a boy. That was pretty cool. You would think calling him that name would have been easy but instead I called him Reed, my nephew's name, for a week and a half.

I took off on Wednesday and figured out WIC and daycare. I also went to The CALL closet which is a place that foster parents can go and get clothes and other items that they need for their foster children. It is free. I got our little guy some clothes, wipes, bibs, etc. Within the first two weeks we got donations of clothes, baby toys, a swing, bottles, etc. This week was the first time I have gotten to the bottom of our laundry baskets since he got here. The donations have been AMAZING! Although we had 7 months to prepare to become foster parents we couldn't really prepare fully because we didn't know if we would get a baby or an older child, boy or girl.

Davin has been working on sanding the baby bed we were given so he could paint it white to match the baby's room. Today he finished this project and tonight our little guy will sleep in his own room in his big bed. We did move him to his room last night from our room so tonight will be his second night in there.

We are all totally in love with this baby. I know that is dangerous but really there is no other way to live. If we don't love him completely and teach him how to love then I worry about the kind of person/man he will grow up to be.

I have been to court once to observe what is going on with his families case. Court is an interesting place. Last week we had a staffing which is where the create the plan that the parents have to follow to get him back. Again...an interesting time. Davin went this time. I think he was pretty amazed at the whole thing.

Our little guy's ICWA worker seems nice but I don't ever want to be on her bad side. I actually like her a lot but I know that someday down the road, one way or another, she will be the one to take our little guy away from us. She will either be part of returning him to his parents or she will place him with another tribal family. Of course, this will be a decision of the court but the tribal workers have a lot of power since Native American tribes are independent nations. Not only are we working with two states we are technically working with two nations....make that three...mom and dad are of different tribes so actually have two ICWA workers plus our state worker.

The next court date is in December. It should be interesting as well. I am still trying to process the staffing form Friday.

He is such a good baby. He has grown since he has been with us. He is bigger and chubbier. :) Alea is loving on him and is such a good big sister.

We are open!

Our case worker called me the week before I was suppose to go to Little Rock for The CALL training to set up our final walk through. I told him I didn't want to do the walk through until I got back from Little Rock because we didn't want to be open while I was in Little Rock and Davin was trying to do the fashion show thing with Alea as a single parent. He said we could go ahead and have our walk through and he would just open us when we were ready. We set up our final walk through for the Wednesday before I went to Little Rock. The walk through went well. It only took about 15 minutes. Chris, our worker, said he would put our paperwork in on Friday but the paperwork probably wouldn't get processed until Monday and that we would be open on Monday, October 7th...the date I gave him as the date we wanted to open.

While I was in Little Rock on Friday I got a call on my phone from on unknown number. I didn't listen to the message until about 4 hours later but it was Chris saying he knew we didn't want to open until Monday but that they needed a place for twin 5 or 6 month old boys. WOW! Not only was I not expecting to be open but I wasn't expecting a call and certainly not a call about twins. I called Chris back to see if he still needed someone for the boys (not sure if we would take them or not still) but he didn't answer and I figured (and later found out) they were already placed so that was great!

So as of Friday, October 4th we were an open foster home.

This week kind of went slowly because I was always wondering when the phone was going to ring wanting us to take a child. It never rang. The end of the week was very busy for us so I am glad we didn't get a call. We still haven't had a call this weekend so I am just wondering when it will happen. I am not dreading it or looking forward to it. It just is. We are just in the holding pattern.

After we got that call on Friday about the twins I think Davin and I were both freaked out about what we had done and what we were getting ready to do. After our 24 hour freak out I think we are both doing much better. Everyday when Davin and Alea get home they both ask me if we have gotten any calls. Davin knows I would tell him before he got home but they both like to ask. Alea gets bummed every time I tell her we didn't get a call. It is good to not get called though because hopefully that means a child is not in a situation that requires they need protecting.

Davin and I have decided that I will make the yes/no call about who to take unless I think it is a situation that we need to discuss first (which will probably be the case most of the time).

Haley texted me on Friday and said that we got in just under the wire. DHS at the state level has told their counties and workers they are not to do any more recruitment, in home consultations (the very first visit), or final walk throughs. They are suppose to focus on their open homes because more layoffs are coming down the pipe this week due to the government shut down.

The November training is still going to go on because the head worker, Rasheda, is going to try to do what she can to get these homes open or close to opening. If all recruitment and training stops there will be a big hole in a few months with no open beds because all the current homes will be full.

I don't imagine we will be without a child for very long.

PRIDE Training of Trainers in Little Rock

The weekend of Alea's fashion show I left for Little Rock on Thursday afternoon for the PRIDE training of trainers for The CALL. We started at 5 pm on Thursday evening and worked until 8. Friday we worked form 8 am until 6:30 and then we had to do homework for the next day. Saturday we worked from 8 am until 4:30. We did not get official breaks at all. Learning about child abuse for three days without breaks was rough! They fed us every meal so they would send us to the back of the room to make our plates and when everyone had taken about 2 bites they would start teaching again. It was a LONG weekend. My partner, Jennifer, had been through the PRIDE training already like I had. Actually, Jennifer and I attended the same training in July so we already knew each other somewhat. Anyway, we had already seen all of the videos and heard everything so we both did really well and didn't cry. The other ladies at the training were hearing it all for the first time so it was a lot harder for them. We were learning how to teach the material but we also had to go through it as learners of the material at the same time. The girls in the class were all great. I just needed breaks.

We have to observe another round of PRIDE training before we can become trainers. I am currently set up to observe the November training. I am actually going to co-teach one session. There are 8 sessions with the 9th session being a panel of current and former foster and adoptive families. The 10th session is a info session presented by DCFS. I am glad I am going to get to co-teach at least one session. That will help break the weekends up.

The hotel we stayed at was also where the training was so that was nice. The hotel was new and very nice. They had a Starbucks right outside of our meeting room. Some of the other girls were just about double fisting it with the coffee. On the last day I broke down and bought some hot cocoa (the room we were in was COLD). This is a picture I took during the training.

The CALL is founded on the principals of James 1:27...
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress..."

Fashion Show

Alea had a great time at the American Girl Fashion Show! Davin volunteered to help at the fashion show all weekend so he sat at a booth at the entrance and sold raffle tickets. He also helped blow up balloons for decorations before the doors opened each day. He loved all the attention he got from the other moms about being such a great dad. He even wore a pink shirt on the second day to match the color scheme. He really got the comments then.

\

After 4 shows this girl was tired.

AG photo shoot

Alea and two other girls were invited to a photo shoot to create publicity photos to promote the American Girl fashion show. It was such an honor to be invited to this photo shoot. Only three of the historical girls/doll/characters were invited out of 13 characters and out of 70+ models total. The girls didn't know each other going into the photo shoot but if you put an American Girl doll in the hands of three young girls they are going to play together and become fast friends. Emily (Alea), Kit and Kaya had a great shoot together.

Alea really does look like this doll.

Kaya, Kit, and Emily

Getting ready for the photo shoot. Hanging out in the green room back stage.

Happy 5th Birthday Sparky!

What is in this sack!? Oh boy, a huge bag of treats and two squeaky toys!! What an awesome birthday! You only turn 5 once. Happy birthday to me!!

Fishing with the troop

Last night we had our first Girl Scout meeting of the year. We took the girls fishing at the pond by our house. No one caught anything but we decided it was better that no one caught anything than only one girl catching something. After we finished fishing the girls got to feed the ducks at the pond.

Photo Shoot

Today I got an email from the director of the American Girl fashion show. She was inviting Alea to come to the theater on Monday afternoon to participate in a photo shoot for promotional photos for the show. There are 80 girls in the show so I thought maybe she was just inviting the historical models. There are 13 historical models. When I read the email closer I saw that she was just inviting three girls. She invited Alea (who is playing Emily) and the girl playing Kaya (a Native American historical character) and Kit (a doll from the depression era). I was so excited to see that Alea was asked to be in this photo shoot. I am guessing she asked the girls who look the most like their character. Pretty cool!

 Emily Bennett                                                                                                                                            







 Kaya

Kit

Starring Alea as Emily Bennett

Alea auditioned for the American Girl fashion show again this year. The first year she was a Bitty Baby Twin with another girl and got to model in one show. This year she was chosen to be one of the historical dolls and will model in four shows. She is going to model the clothes from Emily Bennett. Emily is the best friend of Molly McIntire from the Molly series of American Girl books. Molly was Alea's first American Girl doll and Emily was her second. Molly and Emily's story is set during World War II. I love how much knowledge Alea has gained about World War II on the home front from reading the Molly series of books. In the stories Emily has come to stay with Molly's family in America (much like a foster child) after her parents send her to the U.S. to avoid the dangers of war in Europe. Emily has a lovely British accent. I recommend the Molly movie! It is very sweet.

Emily Bennett doll and dress. Alea will get to model this dress and probably Emily's Christmas dress and winter coat.

Camping

With the three day weekend ahead of us I had the great idea to book my favorite building on the Girl Scout property and let Alea invite some friends for a camping/cabin sleepover. Alea and three friends had a good time playing in the dirt and building a fire.

This is the Chalet that we stayed in. The upstairs has three sets of bunk beds. Davin and I slept in the living room on futons.

Branson

We went to Branson two weekends ago as a mini vacation before we become a family of 4 (or 5). Davin really wanted to go to the water park all summer but we never got it done so we made last minute plans and went for the weekend. We had a great time and enjoyed each others company. Davin and Alea even let me shop at the mall on Saturday morning before we went to the water park. Our hotel had a pool too so Alea went swimming both nights that we were there.

Home Visit...check

We had our home visit last night. I didn't realize that the person coming to see us was a therapist. We figured it out very quickly though. He gave us a 'quiz' that we both had to fill out at the same time that we couldn't discuss. We had to answer questions about the history of our family and the family of our spouse. We both had all of the same answers so that was good. He dug pretty deep and got a good picture of what my childhood was like and what the childhood of my parents was like. He congratulated me on breaking the cycle of abuse and enabling and praised Davin for all he had done to help me process those tough times and memories. I don't think I have ever been praised for surviving and doing well and Davin has never been praised for helping me before. The talk was interesting to say the least.

He talked to Alea and asked her how she felt about her parents taking in other kids. She said she was excited. He asked how she would feel if they broke her favorite toy. She informed him that it cost $14  to take an American Girl doll to the AG hospital and that if they broke one of her dolls her parents had better get the doll fixed because her dolls cost $120 each!!! I told her that was a bit too much information but our guy said at least she is honest and we know where we stand with her. I think he got a kick out of her.

Our guy said we were very honest people (I guess you would feel that way after somebody told you all of their deep, dark, ugly stuff like I had to do). Because he trusted us he said he knew we would fix the one thing we needed to get fixed and that he wouldn't be coming back out to do a final check. He said he would work on our paperwork and probably get it to our worker at DHS by September 10th.  It could take a week or a couple of weeks after that for us to be open. My friend who is also a foster mom couldn't believe he didn't need to come back again because they had to do 4 visits to her house before she could open.

Time Jump

When I turned in our foster care paperwork two weeks ago I was told that we would probably get called for a home study around September 10th and then would probably be an open home a week later. To my surprise I got a phone call on Friday night (August 15th) and someone from DHS will be here this Thursday the 22nd to do our final walk through. I guess that means we could be 'open' a week after that.

When I told my school counselor this (she has been very supportive and gets to hear about our foster care journey all the time) she said that means our kid is ready for us. When you think about why kids come into care and then think that our kid is ready to come to us it is a sad thought that I can't really focus on right now. When we get our child we will know more than we want to know about the evils of this world so dwelling on it right now won't get me anywhere. I just keep praying my prayer for God to protect her heart, body, mind, and spirit. I know it is difficult to go through something that would cause a person to come into care without coming out damaged in one or more (or all) areas but that is what prayer is for.

Please join me in praying for the protection of our little girl's heart, body, mind, and spirit.

(P.S. I know I keep saying her and that is because we have decided that a girl would be the best fit for us right now. I also keep saying "our" and I don't mean that we are going to adopt, I just mean that every child that comes into our home will be "ours" for as long as she lives with us and ours in our hearts forever.)

First Day of 4th Grade

Love, love, love this amazing girl!!

A fro-yo date with my girl

Alea decided she wanted to hang out with me at my school for the last two days of her summer break instead of stay at her Grandma and Papa's house. After a long day on Thursday we went out to Five Guys to dinner and then had some very yummy fro-yo for dessert at TCBY. I love this girl to pieces!!!

On a sadder note...Alea gently told me today that I don't need to walk her in to the first day of 4th grade. She assured me that she could do it on her own. I told her it wasn't that I didn't think she couldn't do it it was just a tradition and I just want to see her off on the first day and take a picture with her and her teacher. She assured me that she would be fine and gently told me that she was sure no other 4th grade mom or dad would be walking their child into school on the first day. I guess I have been notified that I am officially not cool anymore and that she is getting too big for some things. I guess I'll drop her off at the curb and try not to cry on the way to school. :) My sweet, big girl. At least she tried to be as gentle as possible with her words. 

Nesting?

I have been working on the foster room lately. It is interesting to me how I like to hang out in it like I did Alea's room in Wisconsin before she was born. I have a few other things I want to get for the room (such as a cute yellow owl night light from Target, a yellow bed skirt, ribbon to make a ribbon/material covered canvas photo board, a grey something to add to a yellow chevron material covered canvas board I have, maybe a small rug for right next to the bed, and a twin size mattress cover/pad).

Today Davin is adding some shelves and a rod in my closet. We have already shampooed the carpets and the grand finale of the day is Davin going to buy a gun safe. He has always wanted one. It is kind of one of his bucket list purchases. We have to have our guns more secure to be foster parents so he is getting a safe. He is very excited. He is hiring a moving company to help him move it in the next week or two. He keeps asking my opinion about the safe and I know he is excited but it is so not exciting to me. I'm glad to have something else checked off of our to do list but I just can't get excited about that purchase.

I start back to work on Monday and I'm actually not depressed about it for the first time ever. That doesn't mean I am excited about it or looking forward to it in anyway but at least I'm not depressed. That is a true miracle!

Sleepover Update

The girls were still going strong at 10 pm last night holding a fashion show. I told them they could play for another 40 minutes or so. When I came out of my room at 10:40 they had their beds made on the living room floor and were lying down for the night. I guess they finally got tired. I checked on them at 11 and they were being very silly and had the flashlights going. When I checked on them at 12:40 Alea and N were asleep but the other two were up talking. I told them to go to sleep and hope they did. When I got up at 8:30 I heard lots of screaming coming from the living room. They were playing hide and seek (apparently it was the screaming version).

After they got ready and packed up we went for donuts and milk and I took the girls home. I think they had a great time. I believe the party was a success!

A mega sleepover

I promised Alea that she could have her three best friends over for a sleepover this summer before school started back. I have to start back to school on Monday so I guess I put it off for as long as possible. A, M, N, and G are having a great time. They have already played in the sprinkler, ate dinner, and gone for a 2 1/2 mile hike to feed bread to the ducks at the lake. I don't know about them but I am pretty worn out already. It is funny that it takes them so long to do anything. When they go into Alea's room to change clothes it takes them 30 minutes to get anything done. This is fine with me because it is making the night go faster for me. :)

They also have plans to decorate and icing cupcakes (that Alea and I made earlier today). They each brought at least one of their American Girl dolls so maybe they will play with them later. I've already heard talk of getting and giving make-overs as well.


Feeding the ducks.

Going for a walk. (I have no idea why Alea is walking like that.)

It's coming along

This is the clean corner of the foster room. I still need to clean out the closet some more and decide if I am taking out some other stuff, but it is coming along nicely.

My dad made the pallet that I painted on. My mom made the quilt at the end of the bed, the tag blankets on the dresser, and the crochet blanket on the desk. My mom snagged the desk for me from her work...they were getting rid of them. 

Ernie

My half-brother, Ernie, died on Friday. It has been quite the weekend of drama but I think things are finally settling down. Becky and I just played the role of the sane people giving advice to our parents on how to handle people and their drama. It is always an interesting when the kids have to act like the parents/adults to their parents and other adults. Anyway, I don't think there is going to be a funeral or at least one that anyone I know is going to go to. Ernie had always had physical and mental issues and I hadn't seen him in a couple of years. I am sad for those that knew him best.

Applepaloosa

 My sister came down on Wednesday and we bought supplies to begin our two day applepaloosa fest. The previous owner of our house planted two apple trees in the backyard. In the past we have let someone else pick them and have them. This year we decided to make use of them ourselves. I spent a couple of days earlier this week researching apple recipes on Pintrest and Becky brought her canning gear she got from mom. Here are some photos of our process so far.

This is the most loaded down apple tree before we picked any apples. You can see one branch is about to break off because it is so heavy with apples.







Apple fritter bread.                            Apple toffee dip. Major yum!

Applesauce.

We called in apple peeling reinforcements last night about 8:30. Davin was such a trooper.

 Apple pie filling. This is our first batch. We are working on a 2nd
batch right now.


 The kids picking apples on day 2. So far we have picked and used three 5 gallon buckets of apples. There is still at least that many still on the tree.

They suck the life right out of you.

Yesterday I prayed for God to help us have peace about who we answer the call for and to help Davin and I decide if we are going to take teenagers. I didn't pray for a sign, just for clarity. Today when I took Alea to vision therapy her vision specialist came out to great us like always and sighed a big sigh of relief and said how grateful he was to get to work with someone over 5 years old finally. He said he had been screening 5 year old children all day at pre-k and he said he couldn't believe how they sucked the life right out of him. He said, "it's like the sucked the life right out of my soul." I laughed out loud. He doesn't know about our foster care journey so I told him we are about to become foster parents and how my husband only wants to take kids 5 and under and how I want to take teenagers. He said he would definitely go for teenagers. He said he thought 5 year old kids were potty trained but that several of them peed right in front of him. I couldn't stop laughing at his version of 5 year old kids but it is pretty much how I feel too.

I don't know if this was God giving me clarity or not but it was pretty funny either way.

To take teenagers or to not take teenagers...that is the question.

From an early age when I thought of foster care I always saw myself taking in teenagers. This has never really changed for me. Recently Davin talked me into the idea that daycare would be easier than school but I was still very leery. I never really grieved Alea getting older when she was under 5 years old. Each new day and each new thing she could do was such a relief to me. The early years were not my favorite part of being a parent. 

Yesterday during the panel we heard from five different families who had all experienced fostering all ages of children. We heard from some families who started out like us, only taking children younger than their bio children. They ALL spoke so highly of taking teenagers and how they were all so happy that they took teenagers because really they were easier than the younger kids. Many of the parents talked about how the younger kids seemed to cause more tension with their bio kids. One family said it like this, that children are like them so they take some of their attention away but teenagers seem more like adults to them so the attention they get doesn't seem to come out of the bio kids attention. Alea told me the other day that she is tired of being the role model (to her younger cousins I think) and that she just wanted to be the younger sister and have someone else be the role model. Wow! We haven't even really discussed the teenager vs. kid issue in front of her. 

Davin was adamant before the panel that we would not take teenagers and after the panel he could at least see some of the benefits. He is still scared of having a teenage girl in our home and I totally get that. One family said that when they get a call they just see if they have "a peace" about it and go from there. I think that will be what Davin and I will do too. 

Yesterday Davin said he could see us taking a teenager with a baby because we have done that before (and it seems to be a pretty common theme in foster care). 

God knows His plans for us so all of our planning and worrying are for nothing. He has us in His care.

I only cried 3 days...out of 4.

Yesterday we finished our PRIDE training to become foster parents. It was emotional for me a lot of the time. I am such a crier and I get so frustrated sometimes that I am. The first day (two weeks ago) I cried pretty much the entire day. On day two I didn't cry at all (even though I wore my glasses in anticipation that I would). On Saturday I didn't cry until we were talking about PTSD and the Iraqi vet in the room started talking about his PTSD and how it is triggered 5 years later by smells. I have so much respect for people who serve in our military and I hate to see the hurt they suffer(ed) because of me (fighting for my freedom). I was able to only cry that time for a couple of minutes but it hurt my record of having a cry free day. Yesterday we started the day with DCFS going through the forms we will have to fill out (almost daily in some cases). That was pretty boring. Then there was a panel of current and former foster parents that spoke and let us ask questions. Some of their stories were very funny but some really hit my soft spot. Then Ann, the leader of The CALL, shared her story and even though I knew or had guessed most of it it really hit me hard. I cried (but at least I wasn't the only one:).

I had filled out all of my paperwork to be a PRIDE trainer but decided not to hand it in until after I had experienced some of the class myself. After the first day I came home and threw all my paperwork in the trash. Our leader had such a wonderful way of bring the Lord into the conversation and I think they way she did it was wonderful and not a gift that I have. After class yesterday two of the women (who had just met at the class) approached Ann about being PRIDE trainers. Wow! Ann asked me about being a trainer. I told her I had the forms filled out...and that I threw them away and why. She said criers were the best teachers...great, thanks Ann! Anyway, she said she was going to add me to the trainer list anyway and that we would talk about it more later.

Open Our Eyes Photography

We had photos taken earlier this month with Desiree from Open Our Eyes Photography. She has great prices on her mini sessions for foster and/or adoptive families. These are my two favorite pictures from our mini shoot.

Look what I did

We haven't had a dresser in the guest bedroom since we moved to Arkansas and I wanted to get one for the fosters. I bought a dresser from IKEA when we went to Pat's graduation in Texas in May. I put it together (and took it apart a couple of times to fix my mistakes) and painted it with the help of my sister last month. This week Davin put the nobs on it for me. It is finally ready for the foster room. It is a lighter shade of yellow on each drawer and the rest of the dresser is grey. I am doing the foster room in yellow and grey. My mom has made me a grey and yellow chevron crochet blanket and quilt. I had her redo some pillows for me in yellow and grey chevron as well. I didn't do chevron on the dresser because my sister said it would have been too much and I agreed with her.

and the award goes to...

Today I was awarded the Honor Pin for Girl Scout leadership for the Diamond Council of Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas. This award is given for "exemplary service in support of delivering the Girl Scout Leadership Experience which has had measurable impact on two or more geographic areas of service, allowing the council to reach and surpass its mission delivery goals." 

Pretty cool!

Kings and Queens

I have been listening to the song Kings and Queens by Audio Adrenaline since we started this foster care journey and have been very touched by it. Today I was listening to it and showed Alea the video to it on youtube. She loved the video and wanted to show it to Davin when he got home. I pulled it up and showed it to him and he teared up as he watched it. Davin doesn't tear up easily so I knew he was touched by the song. Before he started listening to it Alea told him the song was "pretty much all about what we are getting ready to do". I wasn't sure if she understood the song but after she said that it was clear that she did understand the message.

Here is the youtube link for the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAlE2EnUP5A

"Kings & Queens"

Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won’t let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

[Chorus:]
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

[Chorus]

If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these

Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these

My first harvest from my garden.

This year I decided to try a container garden. I planted seeds for cucumbers, carrots, and squash. Today when I checked it (which I don't do very often) I found these two good sized cucumbers. I thought all of the carrots were dead so I pulled this one to see and I found this tiny carrot. I think there are maybe one or two carrots left out there that might grow a little bigger.

Davin cut up one of the cucumbers to enjoy before dinner. I hope it was good...I don't like cucumbers. :)

I should have two more cucumbers to pick next week and a few more cucumbers just starting to grow. Cucumbers might be my only success this summer in the garden but it is a learning experience.

Day care #3

I liked the third day care. It was actually in a ladies home which I tended to stay away from when looking for care for Alea but after visiting centers yesterday I discovered the quality of people working in the centers now a days weren't exactly what I had hoped for. The third center is run by a grandma who just has 6 to 8 kids at a time (she is licensed for 10). She doesn't take kids under 2 years old so if we get a child under 2 or a sibling group with one child under 2 we won't use her. She was nice (and was a talker). She is no longer married which I like since I don't like the idea of a child being in home day care with a man around...yes, I know I have men issues. Alea helped me rate the day cares and she liked this one the best as well. I think we will go with her unless we get kids under 2 and then we will use the other center that we approved of. 

I'm glad to have this taken care of since we might get a placement after school starts and it would be very difficult to find a center with no notice that would work for us. 

We are expecting...we just don't know when.

As we were looking at day cares today people would ask me what age my child was it reminded me of being pregnant and looking for a day care. Day care people would ask when you were due and then you could plan from there. With foster care it isn't that our kid/s aren't born it is that they are sitting someone being abused or neglected or are about to be abused or neglected and will soon be coming into care. It breaks my heart to think that right now a child is being mistreated and that the mistreatment for 'our' child will continue until they come into our home. I know God has a plan for our lives and the life of 'our' child but it stinks to know that the plan includes pain and that we just have to wait for His timing. I know all of our lives either have had pain or will have pain in the future but it stinks to know that someone you are going to soon love very much is in pain and there is nothing you can do about it. Well, that isn't true...I have been doing something. I have been lifting up 'our' kid/s to God and praying for their safety and for the safety of their little bodies, hearts and minds. Please join me in praying for all the children in foster care, the children soon to come into care, and the children who should be in care but will never be.


Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 19:14

More processing by Alea

Alea knows we are getting closer to opening our home to a foster child or children and I think it is conflicting her mind and heart. Her mind is worried that some of her attention and fun will go away (we talked today about how that will probably happen but that she just needs to be honest with us when she needs extra attention. I told her that we can get a babysitter and do just the 3 of us time or that we can do daddy/daughter dates or mommy/daughter dates while the other parent stays home with the other child/ren.)

Her heart is so ready to love and help. As I work around the house to get ready for our new addition she keeps telling me she wants to help get the kid room ready. I'm not really ready to work in there yet but she really wants to help. Yesterday and today she has been very concerned about the child having a birthday while he/she is with us. She asked what we would do if the kid was with us when it was his/her birthday. I told her we would celebrate the birthday the best we could with the three of us and that we would probably invite Bec and Pat to celebrate with us (I didn't mention Davin's family even though they usually celebrate birthdays with us and she didn't bring them up either). Today she asked me what we would do if we got a kid and the very next day was his/her birthday. I told her we would celebrate the best we could. I told her we could go out to dinner maybe and then give the child presents and/or let him/her pick out something at Wal*Mart. I can't tell if my answers are good enough for her but she just seems to ponder them each time we talk about this. Birthdays are so huge to Alea. I think she wants to make sure the child gets a birthday but maybe deep down wants to make sure the birthday isn't more awesome than hers (I don't know that for sure, but that is how I would have thought about it when I was 9 years old).

Today we had a talk about how the process works. I talked to her more about why a child might come into foster care and how the parent has to work their plan to get their child back. I talked to her about parenting classes, moving out of a house that other bad people lived in, rehab, etc.. I told her that the court usually gives the parent one year to work their plan and get things back in order so they can have their child back. I told her that if we got a child about the time school started that we would probably have the child until school started back next year. I also told her that sometimes people have a foster child for two years or two days but that we will never know the plan until it happens. She seemed to understand all of that. I think she just wants to get a kid so she can stop wondering and worrying and just figure out (good or bad) what it is going to be like.

This is my bio kid.

As we get further into this process of becoming foster parents I have found that I have to introduce Alea more and more often as my bio or biological child instead of just my child. It really isn't anybody else's business if she is my bio kid or not but in the foster care circles it is just more expected that you distinguish so people know how much you have in common with them. It reminds me of hanging out with Danica's in-laws. When you meet them and they find out you only have one child (because they all have 3 and Danica has 4) they look at you like you aren't a true parent because you must not know anything about parenting and kids if you only have one kid. The foster care people aren't judging like that but if you are someone like Haley who introduces her 3 bio kids and then her 2 'other' children people kind of give her a nod of approval because of how much she is doing to help foster children even when she could have just said she already had her hands full. I think it also comes up a lot because if you are at an event where pictures are being taken people have to know who the FCs are because their faces cannot be shown in photos.

Today Alea and I visited two day cares. (We are visiting one more this afternoon.) I explained at each place that we didn't have a kid yet that we were looking for care for but that we were about to become an open foster home and that I wanted to check out my options before the situation arose that I needed care for a child/children. At the first place the man listened to me explain about how we didn't have a kid yet but that we would probably be open soon. He said, "Okay. Then who is this?". He said it in a fairly nice way. I think he was just trying to figure out the situation. I automatically introduced Alea as my biological child. He said, "Oh!" like everything made sense now as to why she was with me if I said I didn't have a kid that needed care yet. Whew. It gets kind of crazy.

By the way, one day care was a possibility and the other was a no. I have high hopes for the one this afternoon. She sounded so nice and with-it on the phone.

What is Real?

Today Alea asked me if she ever allowed to use the word "real" with our foster kids. I asked her what she meant. She said if we had a kid around Halloween time and they saw a fake skeleton if she could tell the child it wasn't real. I told her she could say it wasn't real but that I didn't understand where she was coming form with this question. She said she had heard me tell Davin once that he shouldn't use the word "real" with foster/adopted children because it wasn't okay (I think I said politically correct). I giggled because she thought I meant the word "real" was a negative word almost like a bad word. I just explained to her (like I did Davin) that there is no such thing as a "fake" parent so "real" doesn't make sense. It is not okay (politically correct) to say a biological parent is the "real" parent and or the adopted parent is the "real" parent. Both parents are "real" but one is the adopted/forever parent and the other is the birth or bio parent. Sometimes "birth" is not okay either if the adoptive parents were in the picture since birth (so many unwritten rules to remember). I told Alea it is like telling the child that the skeleton is made out of plastic so it isn't a real skeleton but it is a real plastic thing.


This real discussion reminds me of when people say they don't believe in guns. I have to laugh at that because guns are real and you can touch one and see one. It is okay to say that you don't believe in the Lock Ness Monster because it hasn't been proven to be real but not believing in guns, or abortions, or anything else like that makes me laugh. You may be against it but you have to believe in it...it is real. :)

Where are we now?

Davin and I have attended our first two days of foster care training and have two days left to train. Tonight I am filling out our mountain of paperwork that I hope to turn in at the end of this month. I have also started the hunt for DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) approved day cares that will take the DCFS vouchers. I remember how hard it was to find a day care in Wisconsin for Alea (and then we never used it because we moved to Arkansas). I am very picky with day cares because I know what bad ones look like and what good ones look like. Alea's day care has closed so they aren't an option. I hope to visit a few day cares this week and next so I can have some sort of a plan if we should get called for a child (or children) under school age.

NYC--Day 5

We went to FAO Schwarz on our last day. It was a pretty neat place. Alea loved it!

  A character from Davin's Halo game made out of Legos.

The piano from the movie Big. It cost $250,000!

The Statue of Liberty made out of Legos.

Another awesome Lego creation.

A Star Wars storm trooper.

She got a blue stuffed bird like in the movie RIO. 

It really wasn't this big but this was the only size bags they had that day.

 
We stopped back by the Girl Scout National Headquarters to visit the store and look around.

 They put up posters for girls to sign that visited the GSUSA headquarters. The posters were only up for 5 weeks and then they were going into the archives. The day we were there was the last day for the posters.

We meet one of the archivists and she gave us a tour of the archives and of the Girl Scout museum they have on site. She showed Alea how to move the shelves to locate items in the archives.

Listening to a replication of the call Juliette Gordon Lowe made to a friend that started the Girl Scout movement.

We got to tour and see a lot of different old uniforms.

 Alea was excited to see the Junior stuff since she is no longer a Brownie and is now a Junior scout.

She was so excited! She got two patches for visiting the National Headquarters that girls can only earn by visiting the headquarters. Pretty neat!!!

 Then guess what!!!?? Someone told us the CEO of Girl Scouts was in her office and said we could go meet her. When she heard us coming down the hallway she came out of her office and was so excited to meet a scout!

She was so nice and related to Alea so well. She asked Alea how long she had been in scouts and what kind of service projects she had done. She also asked what we were saving our cookie money for. We had a great visit with her. We got to hang out with her for about 10 to 15 minutes in her super cute office!

Anna is modeling a Brownie purse from the 1950s that is currently decorating her office.

 Alea and Anna had a great talk about our adventures as scouts.

Anna and Alea in Anna's office in NYC!

This was very exciting for me too!!

 Saying goodbye.

Alea and the archivist who showed us around. A famous (replication) of the Girl Scout founder, Juliette Gordon Low, is in the background.

Two lovely ladies!!!