They suck the life right out of you.

Yesterday I prayed for God to help us have peace about who we answer the call for and to help Davin and I decide if we are going to take teenagers. I didn't pray for a sign, just for clarity. Today when I took Alea to vision therapy her vision specialist came out to great us like always and sighed a big sigh of relief and said how grateful he was to get to work with someone over 5 years old finally. He said he had been screening 5 year old children all day at pre-k and he said he couldn't believe how they sucked the life right out of him. He said, "it's like the sucked the life right out of my soul." I laughed out loud. He doesn't know about our foster care journey so I told him we are about to become foster parents and how my husband only wants to take kids 5 and under and how I want to take teenagers. He said he would definitely go for teenagers. He said he thought 5 year old kids were potty trained but that several of them peed right in front of him. I couldn't stop laughing at his version of 5 year old kids but it is pretty much how I feel too.

I don't know if this was God giving me clarity or not but it was pretty funny either way.

To take teenagers or to not take teenagers...that is the question.

From an early age when I thought of foster care I always saw myself taking in teenagers. This has never really changed for me. Recently Davin talked me into the idea that daycare would be easier than school but I was still very leery. I never really grieved Alea getting older when she was under 5 years old. Each new day and each new thing she could do was such a relief to me. The early years were not my favorite part of being a parent. 

Yesterday during the panel we heard from five different families who had all experienced fostering all ages of children. We heard from some families who started out like us, only taking children younger than their bio children. They ALL spoke so highly of taking teenagers and how they were all so happy that they took teenagers because really they were easier than the younger kids. Many of the parents talked about how the younger kids seemed to cause more tension with their bio kids. One family said it like this, that children are like them so they take some of their attention away but teenagers seem more like adults to them so the attention they get doesn't seem to come out of the bio kids attention. Alea told me the other day that she is tired of being the role model (to her younger cousins I think) and that she just wanted to be the younger sister and have someone else be the role model. Wow! We haven't even really discussed the teenager vs. kid issue in front of her. 

Davin was adamant before the panel that we would not take teenagers and after the panel he could at least see some of the benefits. He is still scared of having a teenage girl in our home and I totally get that. One family said that when they get a call they just see if they have "a peace" about it and go from there. I think that will be what Davin and I will do too. 

Yesterday Davin said he could see us taking a teenager with a baby because we have done that before (and it seems to be a pretty common theme in foster care). 

God knows His plans for us so all of our planning and worrying are for nothing. He has us in His care.

I only cried 3 days...out of 4.

Yesterday we finished our PRIDE training to become foster parents. It was emotional for me a lot of the time. I am such a crier and I get so frustrated sometimes that I am. The first day (two weeks ago) I cried pretty much the entire day. On day two I didn't cry at all (even though I wore my glasses in anticipation that I would). On Saturday I didn't cry until we were talking about PTSD and the Iraqi vet in the room started talking about his PTSD and how it is triggered 5 years later by smells. I have so much respect for people who serve in our military and I hate to see the hurt they suffer(ed) because of me (fighting for my freedom). I was able to only cry that time for a couple of minutes but it hurt my record of having a cry free day. Yesterday we started the day with DCFS going through the forms we will have to fill out (almost daily in some cases). That was pretty boring. Then there was a panel of current and former foster parents that spoke and let us ask questions. Some of their stories were very funny but some really hit my soft spot. Then Ann, the leader of The CALL, shared her story and even though I knew or had guessed most of it it really hit me hard. I cried (but at least I wasn't the only one:).

I had filled out all of my paperwork to be a PRIDE trainer but decided not to hand it in until after I had experienced some of the class myself. After the first day I came home and threw all my paperwork in the trash. Our leader had such a wonderful way of bring the Lord into the conversation and I think they way she did it was wonderful and not a gift that I have. After class yesterday two of the women (who had just met at the class) approached Ann about being PRIDE trainers. Wow! Ann asked me about being a trainer. I told her I had the forms filled out...and that I threw them away and why. She said criers were the best teachers...great, thanks Ann! Anyway, she said she was going to add me to the trainer list anyway and that we would talk about it more later.

Open Our Eyes Photography

We had photos taken earlier this month with Desiree from Open Our Eyes Photography. She has great prices on her mini sessions for foster and/or adoptive families. These are my two favorite pictures from our mini shoot.

Look what I did

We haven't had a dresser in the guest bedroom since we moved to Arkansas and I wanted to get one for the fosters. I bought a dresser from IKEA when we went to Pat's graduation in Texas in May. I put it together (and took it apart a couple of times to fix my mistakes) and painted it with the help of my sister last month. This week Davin put the nobs on it for me. It is finally ready for the foster room. It is a lighter shade of yellow on each drawer and the rest of the dresser is grey. I am doing the foster room in yellow and grey. My mom has made me a grey and yellow chevron crochet blanket and quilt. I had her redo some pillows for me in yellow and grey chevron as well. I didn't do chevron on the dresser because my sister said it would have been too much and I agreed with her.

and the award goes to...

Today I was awarded the Honor Pin for Girl Scout leadership for the Diamond Council of Arkansas, Oklahoma and Texas. This award is given for "exemplary service in support of delivering the Girl Scout Leadership Experience which has had measurable impact on two or more geographic areas of service, allowing the council to reach and surpass its mission delivery goals." 

Pretty cool!

Kings and Queens

I have been listening to the song Kings and Queens by Audio Adrenaline since we started this foster care journey and have been very touched by it. Today I was listening to it and showed Alea the video to it on youtube. She loved the video and wanted to show it to Davin when he got home. I pulled it up and showed it to him and he teared up as he watched it. Davin doesn't tear up easily so I knew he was touched by the song. Before he started listening to it Alea told him the song was "pretty much all about what we are getting ready to do". I wasn't sure if she understood the song but after she said that it was clear that she did understand the message.

Here is the youtube link for the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAlE2EnUP5A

"Kings & Queens"

Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent too brief
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won’t let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

[Chorus:]
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

[Chorus]

If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these

Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these

My first harvest from my garden.

This year I decided to try a container garden. I planted seeds for cucumbers, carrots, and squash. Today when I checked it (which I don't do very often) I found these two good sized cucumbers. I thought all of the carrots were dead so I pulled this one to see and I found this tiny carrot. I think there are maybe one or two carrots left out there that might grow a little bigger.

Davin cut up one of the cucumbers to enjoy before dinner. I hope it was good...I don't like cucumbers. :)

I should have two more cucumbers to pick next week and a few more cucumbers just starting to grow. Cucumbers might be my only success this summer in the garden but it is a learning experience.

Day care #3

I liked the third day care. It was actually in a ladies home which I tended to stay away from when looking for care for Alea but after visiting centers yesterday I discovered the quality of people working in the centers now a days weren't exactly what I had hoped for. The third center is run by a grandma who just has 6 to 8 kids at a time (she is licensed for 10). She doesn't take kids under 2 years old so if we get a child under 2 or a sibling group with one child under 2 we won't use her. She was nice (and was a talker). She is no longer married which I like since I don't like the idea of a child being in home day care with a man around...yes, I know I have men issues. Alea helped me rate the day cares and she liked this one the best as well. I think we will go with her unless we get kids under 2 and then we will use the other center that we approved of. 

I'm glad to have this taken care of since we might get a placement after school starts and it would be very difficult to find a center with no notice that would work for us. 

We are expecting...we just don't know when.

As we were looking at day cares today people would ask me what age my child was it reminded me of being pregnant and looking for a day care. Day care people would ask when you were due and then you could plan from there. With foster care it isn't that our kid/s aren't born it is that they are sitting someone being abused or neglected or are about to be abused or neglected and will soon be coming into care. It breaks my heart to think that right now a child is being mistreated and that the mistreatment for 'our' child will continue until they come into our home. I know God has a plan for our lives and the life of 'our' child but it stinks to know that the plan includes pain and that we just have to wait for His timing. I know all of our lives either have had pain or will have pain in the future but it stinks to know that someone you are going to soon love very much is in pain and there is nothing you can do about it. Well, that isn't true...I have been doing something. I have been lifting up 'our' kid/s to God and praying for their safety and for the safety of their little bodies, hearts and minds. Please join me in praying for all the children in foster care, the children soon to come into care, and the children who should be in care but will never be.


Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Matthew 19:14

More processing by Alea

Alea knows we are getting closer to opening our home to a foster child or children and I think it is conflicting her mind and heart. Her mind is worried that some of her attention and fun will go away (we talked today about how that will probably happen but that she just needs to be honest with us when she needs extra attention. I told her that we can get a babysitter and do just the 3 of us time or that we can do daddy/daughter dates or mommy/daughter dates while the other parent stays home with the other child/ren.)

Her heart is so ready to love and help. As I work around the house to get ready for our new addition she keeps telling me she wants to help get the kid room ready. I'm not really ready to work in there yet but she really wants to help. Yesterday and today she has been very concerned about the child having a birthday while he/she is with us. She asked what we would do if the kid was with us when it was his/her birthday. I told her we would celebrate the birthday the best we could with the three of us and that we would probably invite Bec and Pat to celebrate with us (I didn't mention Davin's family even though they usually celebrate birthdays with us and she didn't bring them up either). Today she asked me what we would do if we got a kid and the very next day was his/her birthday. I told her we would celebrate the best we could. I told her we could go out to dinner maybe and then give the child presents and/or let him/her pick out something at Wal*Mart. I can't tell if my answers are good enough for her but she just seems to ponder them each time we talk about this. Birthdays are so huge to Alea. I think she wants to make sure the child gets a birthday but maybe deep down wants to make sure the birthday isn't more awesome than hers (I don't know that for sure, but that is how I would have thought about it when I was 9 years old).

Today we had a talk about how the process works. I talked to her more about why a child might come into foster care and how the parent has to work their plan to get their child back. I talked to her about parenting classes, moving out of a house that other bad people lived in, rehab, etc.. I told her that the court usually gives the parent one year to work their plan and get things back in order so they can have their child back. I told her that if we got a child about the time school started that we would probably have the child until school started back next year. I also told her that sometimes people have a foster child for two years or two days but that we will never know the plan until it happens. She seemed to understand all of that. I think she just wants to get a kid so she can stop wondering and worrying and just figure out (good or bad) what it is going to be like.

This is my bio kid.

As we get further into this process of becoming foster parents I have found that I have to introduce Alea more and more often as my bio or biological child instead of just my child. It really isn't anybody else's business if she is my bio kid or not but in the foster care circles it is just more expected that you distinguish so people know how much you have in common with them. It reminds me of hanging out with Danica's in-laws. When you meet them and they find out you only have one child (because they all have 3 and Danica has 4) they look at you like you aren't a true parent because you must not know anything about parenting and kids if you only have one kid. The foster care people aren't judging like that but if you are someone like Haley who introduces her 3 bio kids and then her 2 'other' children people kind of give her a nod of approval because of how much she is doing to help foster children even when she could have just said she already had her hands full. I think it also comes up a lot because if you are at an event where pictures are being taken people have to know who the FCs are because their faces cannot be shown in photos.

Today Alea and I visited two day cares. (We are visiting one more this afternoon.) I explained at each place that we didn't have a kid yet that we were looking for care for but that we were about to become an open foster home and that I wanted to check out my options before the situation arose that I needed care for a child/children. At the first place the man listened to me explain about how we didn't have a kid yet but that we would probably be open soon. He said, "Okay. Then who is this?". He said it in a fairly nice way. I think he was just trying to figure out the situation. I automatically introduced Alea as my biological child. He said, "Oh!" like everything made sense now as to why she was with me if I said I didn't have a kid that needed care yet. Whew. It gets kind of crazy.

By the way, one day care was a possibility and the other was a no. I have high hopes for the one this afternoon. She sounded so nice and with-it on the phone.

What is Real?

Today Alea asked me if she ever allowed to use the word "real" with our foster kids. I asked her what she meant. She said if we had a kid around Halloween time and they saw a fake skeleton if she could tell the child it wasn't real. I told her she could say it wasn't real but that I didn't understand where she was coming form with this question. She said she had heard me tell Davin once that he shouldn't use the word "real" with foster/adopted children because it wasn't okay (I think I said politically correct). I giggled because she thought I meant the word "real" was a negative word almost like a bad word. I just explained to her (like I did Davin) that there is no such thing as a "fake" parent so "real" doesn't make sense. It is not okay (politically correct) to say a biological parent is the "real" parent and or the adopted parent is the "real" parent. Both parents are "real" but one is the adopted/forever parent and the other is the birth or bio parent. Sometimes "birth" is not okay either if the adoptive parents were in the picture since birth (so many unwritten rules to remember). I told Alea it is like telling the child that the skeleton is made out of plastic so it isn't a real skeleton but it is a real plastic thing.


This real discussion reminds me of when people say they don't believe in guns. I have to laugh at that because guns are real and you can touch one and see one. It is okay to say that you don't believe in the Lock Ness Monster because it hasn't been proven to be real but not believing in guns, or abortions, or anything else like that makes me laugh. You may be against it but you have to believe in it...it is real. :)

Where are we now?

Davin and I have attended our first two days of foster care training and have two days left to train. Tonight I am filling out our mountain of paperwork that I hope to turn in at the end of this month. I have also started the hunt for DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) approved day cares that will take the DCFS vouchers. I remember how hard it was to find a day care in Wisconsin for Alea (and then we never used it because we moved to Arkansas). I am very picky with day cares because I know what bad ones look like and what good ones look like. Alea's day care has closed so they aren't an option. I hope to visit a few day cares this week and next so I can have some sort of a plan if we should get called for a child (or children) under school age.

NYC--Day 5

We went to FAO Schwarz on our last day. It was a pretty neat place. Alea loved it!

  A character from Davin's Halo game made out of Legos.

The piano from the movie Big. It cost $250,000!

The Statue of Liberty made out of Legos.

Another awesome Lego creation.

A Star Wars storm trooper.

She got a blue stuffed bird like in the movie RIO. 

It really wasn't this big but this was the only size bags they had that day.

 
We stopped back by the Girl Scout National Headquarters to visit the store and look around.

 They put up posters for girls to sign that visited the GSUSA headquarters. The posters were only up for 5 weeks and then they were going into the archives. The day we were there was the last day for the posters.

We meet one of the archivists and she gave us a tour of the archives and of the Girl Scout museum they have on site. She showed Alea how to move the shelves to locate items in the archives.

Listening to a replication of the call Juliette Gordon Lowe made to a friend that started the Girl Scout movement.

We got to tour and see a lot of different old uniforms.

 Alea was excited to see the Junior stuff since she is no longer a Brownie and is now a Junior scout.

She was so excited! She got two patches for visiting the National Headquarters that girls can only earn by visiting the headquarters. Pretty neat!!!

 Then guess what!!!?? Someone told us the CEO of Girl Scouts was in her office and said we could go meet her. When she heard us coming down the hallway she came out of her office and was so excited to meet a scout!

She was so nice and related to Alea so well. She asked Alea how long she had been in scouts and what kind of service projects she had done. She also asked what we were saving our cookie money for. We had a great visit with her. We got to hang out with her for about 10 to 15 minutes in her super cute office!

Anna is modeling a Brownie purse from the 1950s that is currently decorating her office.

 Alea and Anna had a great talk about our adventures as scouts.

Anna and Alea in Anna's office in NYC!

This was very exciting for me too!!

 Saying goodbye.

Alea and the archivist who showed us around. A famous (replication) of the Girl Scout founder, Juliette Gordon Low, is in the background.

Two lovely ladies!!!

NYC--Day 4

Columbus Circle

 We took a rickshaw ride through Central Park.

 Look at her face. I love how she is wishing so hard.

 Alea is just strollin' across Bow Bridge in Central Park.

 Strawberry Fields, the John Lennon Memorial.

Playing in Central Park.

We saw Cinderella on Broadway on day 4.

Our New York City Adventures---Day 3

Alea and Becky at the Rockefeller Building.

  The Top of the Rock with Central Park in the background.

My sassy traveler.

Empire State Building.

 Rockefeller Plaza.

The American Girl store!

Alea's first two dolls, Molly and Emily are being retired this year. :(

 Saige! The one she was been waiting for. Saige is the doll of the year.

Grand Central Terminal.

My little New Yorker!

We had to go straight back to the room so she could open Saige.

 HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!  She bought Saige with her own money!

 The Girl Scouts National Headquarters. The shop was closed on this day so they told us to come back on Friday. Stay tuned for so awesome news about that.

 Saige and Alea at the Bluebell Cafe.

We walked around Little Italy and Chinatown.

Then we went to Babycakes, a gluten free backery. Yummy!

We got last minute tickets to see Wicked on Broadway!