A Calling

I have never before in my life felt like God was calling me to do something until now. Yesterday I finally put it into words to my bosses, as I told them about our upcoming foster family journey, that I felt like God was calling us to follow this path. Last week was a rough week for me. I definitely felt the devil's presence in my life as he tried to work on me to focus on the negative. I had trouble sleeping and would lay awake at night reviewing bad times in my life and then would go to sleep to have terrible nightmares. I have always had nightmares but the frequency, quantity, and level of horror in my dreams reached a new level last week. Once I made it through the week I was able to look back and see that during this difficult time we were learning more about becoming foster parents through The C.A.L.L., a Christian-based organization, and were working as a family to become recommitted to our church. 

As I thought yesterday about this being a calling for me/us I became pretty emotional. I cried as I talked to my bosses about what we are currently undertaking and what will soon be part of our everyday lives. The idea of being called by God is new to me and very scary. I always want God to be a part of my life and to support me in my endeavors but when He knows my name and calls me specifically to do His work that is a scary thing. Yesterday I had so many emotions that I didn't even understand even though they were coming out of me all at once. Becky (from work) said that she has had a couple of times in her life when she has felt called by God to do something she maybe didn't feel like she wanted to do and she said she had cried about it too and felt uncertain. The confirmation that I was not crazy for crying and worrying about something I was actively pursuing helped me feel more normal. 

Today on my way to work I felt so much more free. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I haven't felt this kind of peace and calmness since I had a shot of steroids in the hip a few weeks ago; the clarity I had the next day and the level of energy I had was way above normal.. That is how I felt today too. Clear and calm. 

Davin and I both feel like this is something we are suppose to do. We do not know where this journey will take us or when it will end. We think we may have one or two children and the decide that this isn't something we can do and our foster care journey will be over. On the other hand, we might be foster parents for the next 20 years and host several children through our home. We may fall in love with the first child that comes into our house who has his/her parental rights terminated and we may adopt that child, or we may not feel that way about a child until we have hosted our 100th child, or we may never feel that way and will only foster. 

Pray for us as we attempt to do God's work by loving on children who need love and may not be able to or know how to return it.